So, you’re one of those frothing-at-the-mouth teabagger types who has been amped up for the last three years to kick that black Muslim sumbitch outta the White House and take back America. And now you’re gnashing your teeth, kicking your dog and backhanding your wife because things don’t seem to be turning out quite like you planned.
Well, better get used to it, pal. With Mitt Romney changing his answers two and three times a day, Rick Sanctimonious’ continuous outrage that women are actually (gasp!) having sex and taking those horrible, horrible pills to make sure accidents don’t cause people, and Newt Gingrick going around talking about making the moon the 51st state, only a few idiots like you are going to vote for one of these bozos. And you don’t even need to SEE Ron Paul’s birth certificate to tell that he’s from Mars (and hence not a citizen). You can easily discern that fact from the bat-shit crazy things he says.
Can you imagine Mitt Romney negotiating with the Chinese? Somehow I think that, “No, no, that’s not what I meant when I signed it,” ain’t gonna fly with those guys.
But, it gets worse for you, buddy. MUCH worse. When THIS WOMAN (yes, that’s her giving an “assessment” of the average redneck) gets elected in 2016, teabagger heads may actually explode. You’ll find yourselves longing nostalgically for those good old days when all you worried about were “faggots” getting married and government death panels doing the eenie-meenie-miney-mo thing on whose dialysis machine gets unplugged.
Why, I bet there’ll even be a law enacted requiring all Christians to convert to a new religion, just to foster multiculturalism. And I don’t mean one of those easy, Baptist-to-Presbyterian or Lutheran-to-Catholic things. No, I mean a change with a whole new Diety, prophet and holy book type of deal. You know, Islam, Hinduism or Zoroastrianism, stuff like that. Learning all the new rules about what not to do, what not to eat or drink and who to hate (all so you can still get into heaven) will give you plenty to do while you’re waiting to get that call to Jannah, loka or wherever.
Also, in order to promulgate peace and understanding between races (and, of course, leading ultimately to a pure, homogenous race of earth-dwelling beings), no more white-on-white marriages will be allowed. Henceforth all marriages will have to be to a person of another race or species (dog, orangutan, lion, etc.). Modern genetics will even make it possible for you and your new spouse to have “offspring,” irrespective of existing DNA differences. Hell, I bet most rednecks will either commit suicide or be killed and eaten by their spouses.
Yep, it’s a brave new world alright, buddy. Best be gittin’ used to it.
Fresh Wind Journal 
